Self Abuse

I'm not, here talking about my psycho-sexual meanderings, but rather about my well being. Having been out of work for a while & worrying about feeding myself, I've been introspective. This has been prompted not simply because I've been through the mill of resume submission & not receiving any response & failed interviews due to my not fitting some contemporary, stereo-typical ideal. What's forced me into thinking about what I want is the prospect of working for yet another short sighted, impersonal, & automaton-laden mega-corporation.

It doesn't really matter which -- all corporations are the same. What I'm on about is the very fact that I can not bring myself to be another nameless "droid". I don't really know exactly what I'm seeking to do, as I cannot, seriously, think in terms of a future. Ignoring the current socio-political state, it comes down to the very fact that the abuse I've put myself through by employers who think of nothing but making themselves richer, I think I'm of much greater value. If I cannot work toward some goal, some future ideal, why can't I pursue instead, just a small semblance of personal self-worth?

You know, I would be only too happy to work in most any industry, where I would make $40,000-$60,000 -- or more -- per year. Who wouldn't? But I know I would have to give up so very much of what makes me a productive member of society -- from the community of workers at the same company, to the city in which I live, to my place in this idiot world in which we have to live. Why, I implore you, must we become someone -- anyone -- we aren't from the minute we walk in the door of a prospective employer for an interview when personality & individuality are what make workers happy & more willing to feed the people who offer a means of having some sort of life? Why must we become other than we are to feed ourselves? I miss the world in my head.

Enough. Let me be poor & happy, rather than making enough to afford more toys & being miserable.

Is there not one employer out there possessing even a small particle of creativity, let alone a decent attention span?