I don't know why. I don't have the slightest clue. Lately I've been very desirous of a Jewish girl. Not a specific Jewish girl, as I don't know any -- to my knowledge -- personally. I just feel a strange gnawing inside which says: "Only a Jewish girl will do".
I'd known a few -- very few -- growing up. I quite liked them. But, as with most girls, they had little interest in me. When I'd lived in NYC, I'd met quite a few more, & I'd even pursued some of them. Again, they had little interest in me.
Then, there was Orli. I'd met her in college. Orli was, is, from Haifa, Israel. This was many years ago, & while she may have been interested in me, I'd waited so long to ask her out that I was too late. She was returning to Haifa the day after I'd asked her.
I don't know that Orli represents any sense of an ideal. The other Jewish girls I've known were equally attractive. But I think that she is foreign is very important. Of all my ex-girlfriends, it is those who were from other countries who hold the favoured spaces in my heart & memories. Whether the relationships we'd had were good or bad, they are those I hold most dear.
Perhaps this Jewish attraction is nothing more than some current fetish. Maybe, now that I'm in my forties, I'm unconsciously hoping to find a real, loving, "till death" relationship, & a Jewish girl represents some semblance of a chance that this could happen.
Whatever it is, the girls & women I meet -- attractive as they are -- aren't foreign Jewish girls or women. As wonderful as they appear, or seem, or are, I'm not so sure I'll be able to get past this. Of course, this desire may not last -- I'm a man, & men are pretty fickle. But I can dream.
No comments:
Post a Comment